Weird Thoughts of a Bored Mind

I know this is weird but you can’t blame me for thinking that way. No thanks to the dearth of activities to engage in. Been thinking if Nigeria should go to civil war, how am i gonna survive? *dodges stones*… Easy na! It’s not as if i’m wishing Nigeria goes to war. But the activities going on in the country are similar to what led to the 1st civil war in the country- wanton killing and destruction of properties in a part of the country, eye-popping et al. Moreso, one exconvict by the name Bode don talk say Nigeria will cease to exist if PDP collapses (tho’ we all know say na lie ihn dey lie). So you can’t blame me for taking ‘proactive’ measures of surviving the war. :p Unlike the elite who can seek refuge in other countries, i have no where to run to -save for my village in Ayedaade L/G, state of Osun (abi no be wetin them dey call am be that :D). Back to the matter, how am i going to survive the war? Hey! By survive, i don’t mean escaping the soldiers’ bullets or avoiding mines or avoiding the ‘rain’ from the fighter jets. Those one na small things. I’m talking about how i will survive the famine and other attendant effects. *robs belly* So i’ve drawn up a plan of survival. Here it goes–>
– The half plot in front of the house will turn to a full fledged farm. Yes, you guessed right! I love food, yeah good food. Lesson has been learnt from the Biafran famine.
-Arising from no 1, i will learn how to survive with eating just two times a day.
– Maa gbe konga toh jin gaan. I no fit rely on the borehole in this time. To ba ni fault nko? Who go repair am! Well no dey get fault; na to buy enough ifami.
-I will learn how to survive the weekends without EPL matches and Tuesdays & Wednesdays without the Champions League.
– Putting on the generator will be restricted to an hour a day. And that will be to charge the phone. Litres upon litres of petrol will be in stock. If the gen develops a mechanical fault, na to dey famz awon ara adugbo remain.
– Intake of cholesterol will be drastically reduced. This is to reduce the risk of heart attack arising from the death of a loved one coz of the war. Weird abi? *laces bread with BUTTER*
-This is the weirdiest. The soakaway will be emptied…. Yeah, you read tha right…. It will be emptied. Y’all know the reason, abi? Ehen! A brother cannot now be doing ‘shotput’ at this stage.

*Resumes reading Chinua Achebe’s There Was A Country*
———————————————————–Comments are welcomed!


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